The Main Reason Why I Don't Play Hockey

Other than the fact that I don't know how to skate well at all and I can't shot a hockey puck, the main reason why I don't play hockey is because I don't want to lose part of my manhood.  

During  the third period of game 1 of the first round NHL playoff series between the Washington Capitals and the Philadelphia Flyers, Flyers' left wing Patrick Thoresen dropped to the ice with about six and a half minutes to go in the game.  In effort to block a shot, his testicles were seriously injured, and to make matters worse the Capitals tied the game up 4-4 in the next few moments as he was ailing on the ice in pain.  To be honest if I was him I wouldn't really have been all that concerned with the goal, I'd only be interested in my own boys.  Thoresen faces possible surgery and even possible removal of one of his testicles.  I can't even fathom that kind of possible pain.

If Mr. Thoresen is stuck with the misfortune of losing a testicle I will make it my personal goal to write another meaningful article on him and do everything in my power to try to get an interview with him.  Godspeed Patrick.